Conversation with Zhaklina about "M.D.B.M"

Can you tell us about your background and upbringing, and how it has influenced your music?

I remember watching my mom work really hard to support my sister and I as a little girl and wanting to be just like her. My parents split when I was 2 and my younger sister, mom and I moved into a 1 bedroom apartment in the Bronx. We spent a lot of time with my mom’s side of the family who helped raise us. I saw my dad and my brother on the weekends. I am the first generation to be born in America on my mom’s side of the family. They immigrated here from former Yugoslavia; we are Albanian. I remember witnessing my family go through a lot of hardship & choosing to persevere through it. Our home was robbed one day and so many things of value were taken from us. I still laugh at the fact that the thief tried to steal our t.v but decided against it (probably because it was really heavy). He was never caught and we never had our things returned. Two weeks later my mom purchased a camcorder to replace the one that was stolen from a guy selling them on the street for $300. When we got home and opened the box, it was filled with nothing but newspapers. My mom handled that situation like a champ and I’ll never forget how inspiring it was to witness her be brave. I remember watching my dad pay child support for 3 children and work around the clock just so he could see us for one night and eat pizza bites while watching a movie or playing a board game together. My family doesn’t have a lot, I don’t come from much money. But I was taught to appreciate what I had and make it count. I was taught to not let money or anything else get in the way of my goals. My family was very strict and I was definitely a bit of a “goody two-shoes.” I poured myself into school, music and books. I loved to read and would stay up way past my bedtime reading books under my blankets with a flashlight. They took me to a different world and no matter how my day went, my books were always there to comfort me. Along with music, of course.

I made the choice to become a Christian when I was 23; a very personal & risky decision. My mom’s side of the family is Muslim and my dad’s side is Catholic- we have always been divided. “Coming out” with my faith was not easy for me and I was met with a lot of disappointment & shame at first from my mom’s side. Over time, they accepted my journey and we do our best to respect our differences in belief.

I have been singing since before I could talk. I had my first solo in a performance with my choir when we lived in Los Angeles (we moved there when I was 11). I was so nervous that I froze and completely forgot the words to half the song. That didn’t stop me though! We moved to Maryland when I was 12 and I dove into theatre, music & arts for the next 10 years of my life. From state choirs to a cappella groups, madrigals and musical theatre, I was always performing. I started writing songs and poetry when I was 10 years old and it took me probably 20 tries to finally learn how to play the piano (I was 27 when I officially taught myself how to play the keys). Music was a refuge for me. It was an outlet and a form of connection & expression that allowed me to be present with my life, feel fulfilled and have SO much fun creating. It was my safe space i could rely on, especially when things were hard at home. We had a bumpy environment in our home and I found myself wanting to stay at school as long as I could, spending hours & hours in the music rooms singing songs and fiddling with the piano, dancing in the dance rooms & chatting with some of the teachers that had to stay at work longer. Music raised me and I truly believe it’s saved my life on multiple occasions. I’m inspired to share my experiences through my art with the world knowing the impact it has to bring healing & empowerment.

My life has had a lot of ups & downs, a lot of beauty and a lot of pain. I wouldn’t be who I am today if it wasn’t for the strength, discipline & gratitude I witnessed from my parents & had to put into practice myself. I wouldn’t be the artist I am without learning how to make my own choices and believe in myself. The day I chose Jesus is the day everything changed for me and I’d go back and do it again, perhaps sooner.

What inspired you to pursue a music career?

My first memory of being inspired to sing was hearing Celine Dion’s “My Heart Will Go On” from The Titanic and wanting to sing just like her. I would sing every day, pushing myself to hit the notes she hit and emote with passion and gusto. I grew to love Christina Aguilera, Avril Lavigne, Amy Lee from Evanescence, Britney Spears, and even Hillary Duff (“What Dreams Are Made Of” still plays over and over in my head during the most random moments). I had my first solo in a performance with my choir when we lived in Los Angeles (we moved there when I was 11). I was so nervous that I froze and completely forgot the words to half the song. That didn’t stop me though! We moved to Maryland when I was 12 and I dove into theatre, music & arts for the next 10 years of my life. From state choirs to a cappella groups, madrigals and musical theatre, I was always performing. I started writing songs and poetry when I was 10 years old and it took me probably 20 tries to finally learn how to play the piano (I was 27 when I officially taught myself how to play the keys). Music was a refuge for me. It was an outlet and a form of connection & expression that allowed me to be present with my life, feel fulfilled and have SO much fun creating. It was my safe space i could rely on, especially when things were hard at home. We had a bumpy environment in our home and I found myself wanting to stay at school as long as I could, spending hours & hours in the music rooms singing songs and fiddling with the piano, dancing in the dance rooms & chatting with some of the teachers that had to stay at work longer. Music raised me and I truly believe it’s saved my life on multiple occasions. I’m inspired to share my experiences through my art with the world knowing the impact it has to bring healing & empowerment.

What challenges have you faced in your music career, and how have you overcome them?

My latest single, “M.D.B.M” touches on a lot of the challenges I’ve faced as a female in the music industry. It’s ten times harder to be taken seriously as a woman in the industry and I’ve had to work really hard on establishing professional boundaries with myself and others. The music industry is not a sprint, it’s a marathon. Unless you have a lot of financial backing, it takes years to grow as a professional artist. Not only professionally but artistically, it can take a long time to develop your craft, branding and style. I think one of my biggest frustrations is when people try to label me instead of respecting who I am as an artist. I’ve had so many people tell me I “should” play a specific genre or wear certain clothes or only talk about this or that, etc etc- and the unsolicited advice is always different, every single time. When someone really appreciates me as an artist & respects what I create, it is the best feeling in the world. It’s when other people try to change or control how I create that feels incredibly disrespectful and dismissive to all of the hard work, time, resources, thought, prayer, heart, and energy into my choices.

The industry has so many people trying to “make” it and in that you can feel like you’re not “special” or unique because so many people are doing similar things to what you do. I think you have to have a mindset of collaboration if you want to grow as an artist in a community. Many of my closest friends are also artists and it’s important that we cheer each other on rather than compete. There is room for us all- it’s a lie to believe otherwise. Having blinders on when it comes to focusing on your work, your music, your journey helps me continue to grow and progress. It’s tempting, especially on social media, to compare yourself and I still find myself battling my mind. However, I’m learning what it means to be an “artist” through this and it’s been the most liberating experience to grow in my self worth & identity regardless of what anyone else thinks.

“M.D.B.M” is your latest single. What does the title stand for, and what is the inspiration behind the song?

The title stands for “Money Don’t buy Me,” which was inspired by my personal experiences in the music industry and the very real battle between authentic art and fast money & stardom.

What was the creative process like for this particular single?

This process was very much a collaboration between Jared Stong (Pimp Fried Rice) and myself. I brought the topic to him and we wrote the song from the ground up in just a few hours. He focused on the production while I wrote, it was one of the smoothest co-writes I have ever experienced. Many of the visuals used for my branding are associated with personal references of strength, authenticity and spunk. New Yorker’s have a reputation of being very direct and assertive. I’m originally from NY and lived in the Bronx as a kid so I channeled my inner New Yorker to really emphasize the “energy” behind the song. I have been challenging myself as an artist to make space for the feelings that have felt like “too much” and giving them a voice through my art. This song gave my anger a voice in a personal way and was written in a manner that’s relatable to anyone going through a similar experience in any industry.

Can you share a memorable or challenging moment during the production of the single?

The most memorable moment for me was how quickly the song was written! I was impressed with how fast we built a song that had so much depth and impact. That made me so excited about its potential and I’m proud of the feedback it has received since it’s debut.

Where do you find inspiration for your music, and how do you stay creatively motivated?

Most of my inspiration comes from my personal life experiences. I believe in creating the most authentic art possible through story telling styles of music. I am of course inspired by other artists such as Evanescence, PVRIS, Florence & The Machine, Yonaka, Avril Lavigne ,and so many more. You can find traces of inspiration from many of the artists I have listened to in my music. However, I am always doing my best to integrate any inspiration I utilize in unique ways that speak to my personal ideas while heavily infusing my own experiences as the source of each creation.

How do you navigate the highs and lows that come with being a musician, both personally and professionally?

God is my main source of healing and grounding. I would not have gotten as far as I have in my career or personal life without building a relationship with Him. Prayer is so powerful and faith is essential to me. I am also a Mental Health Advocate and live by my advocacy in my day-to-day life. I have been going to therapy every month for almost 4 years and have an emotional tool belt of resources I utilize like hot yoga, regular exercise, meditation, somatic workouts (a newer addition to my mental health routine), adjusting my diet, etc. I credit my ability to “keep going” to God and mental health.

If you could advise your younger self when starting in the music industry, what would it be?

I would advise myself to pursue my dreams on a professional level sooner.

Looking ahead, what are your goals and aspirations as a musician?

My goals are to continue creating more meaningful art, expand my platform and impact, and continue to nurture my mental health themed songwriter nights that benefit mental health organizations and local artists.